R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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