This girl is more easily done than said...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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