I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
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I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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