I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
