fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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