Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
