If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
