Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
