My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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