What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
