You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
