another moral hangover. fuck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
