I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize