I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
