I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
