and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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