hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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