How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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