She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
