I just pynch a tree in the face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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