Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I will be naked everywhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
