the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
