i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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