With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
