I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
