Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
