Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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