just come out here and I will go home with you...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
