Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
