So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
