Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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