Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
