I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
