I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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