see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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