the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
