New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
