I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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