Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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