I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
