I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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