I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
