I looked at my own cervix.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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