Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
