honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
