Define "chronic" masturbator.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
