I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
