I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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