And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
