I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
