For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
