My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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