I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
