I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
