Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
