It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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