Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
