Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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