there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
