Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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