I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
