Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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