It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We're too hungover to prance.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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