i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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