How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
