I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
