walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
