I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
