there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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