Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
