guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
