I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize