As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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