I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
