im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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