i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
