Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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