I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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