well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
