just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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